Thinking of You
by Victoria1127
Summary: The third in a series of 20 Kurt/Finn fics based on a playlist I made. 3- Thinking of You by Katy Perry.


**A/N: **Hey! I felt terrible for being too busy to write, so I threw this one together in a hurry. And I know, so far everything in the playlist prompt has been kinda angsty, and so that's why I'm taking song suggestions! Suggesting does not necessarily mean I'll use it, but I might replace one of my angstier songs with a happy one. And the next story in the prompt will be happier...and maybe a little sexy...haha. Hope you enjoy!

Thinking of You

'_Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you._

'_Cause you're the best, and yes, I do regret  
how I could let myself let you go.  
..._

Frantic hands pulled the red sweater off of the smaller man's body. They were always a bit petite in size—never little-boy creepy, but small enough that they would probably be carded until they were 40 years old. His name was...Jon? Josh? Finn couldn't remember, nor did he really want to, but as little as these hookups meant to him, he was still raised right and wanted to remain a gentleman for as long as he could muster.

"You are _so_ hot." His voice was deeper than Finn preferred, but he couldn't be too choosy, considering his reputation. He had been doing this for the better part of a year. At this point, small-framed brunettes who wanted to get fucked were practically approaching him. His imagination had gotten really well at blurring the background noise. "Want me to take those off?" The man grinned mischievously and gestured to Finn's pants.

His voice was really ruining the experience. "No talking." Finn ordered, pulling his pants down himself and stepping forward, taking his face into his hands and kissing him tenderly. He could tell the guy was surprised. They almost always were. When you solicit a stranger for sex, you don't expect them to take things the romantic route. Finn Hudson was a different kind of hookup, because Finn Hudson had a dream to fulfill, and he was determined to do the job right every time.

The kiss left the other man breathless. It was smoldering, sexy, sweet. He opened his eyes as Finn pulled away. Green eyes. Close enough.

His hands fumbled with the man's belt before leaning forward and whispering quickly, "Whas'your name?"

"Jake." Jake had definitely been tanning. Finn had forgotten that under the bright fluorescents of the club, everyone looked pale. This was not one of Finn's more desirable choices, but he would have to do.

Finn kissed Jake's neck as he slid his jeans down his hips, landing in a head on the floor. Jake wrapped his arms around Finn's body and held him in an intimate embrace. _Perfect. _Just like Finn imagined it would have been.

The sex was, as always, meticulously generous. Finn didn't care if he finished—in fact, he almost never did. This was about getting the job done right, not getting off. After nearly two hours, Jake collapsed onto Finn's bed, completely spent. Finn crawled up to him and held him until he fell asleep, as was the ritual. When Jake's breathing evened out, Finn slowly slipped out of bed and went to brush his teeth—to clean the taste of Jake out of his mouth. He stopped as he passed the fireplace and looked at the pictures on the mantle, despite always telling himself not to. It always hurt a little too much. The pictures.

Family picture from his mom's wedding. Family picture from graduation. Glee club winning Nationals. A silly picture of him and Kurt from his 18th birthday. That's the one that always hurt to look at. The last picture of them together before he ruined everything.

"_I can't, Kurt."_

"_What do you mean you can't? I thought you loved me!"_

"_I do love you."_

"_Well, then—"_

"_No, Kurt! You don't understand. You don't know what it's like—"_

"_I don't know what it's like? Oh, you've got some nerve—"_

"_You don't know what it's like to have to impress everyone. I have an image to uphold. I am a senior and the quarterback, probably going to be homecoming king—"_

"_You're right. I don't understand."_

"_Kurt, don't be like that...let's talk about this."_

"_There's not much else to say."_

"_Kurt—"_

"_You're going to regret this."_

Of course, Kurt was always right. Finn regretted it every day. He had planned on sucking it up and coming out after graduation, but by then, _Eric_ had happened.

Eric Lawrence. He was blonde, beautiful, and everything Kurt had ever wanted. They were classmates during Kurt's brief stint at Dalton Academy. Eric evidently had the same plan as Finn—to come out after high school—and Kurt was his confidante and best friend through the whole ordeal. By the time Finn had mustered up the confidence to come out, Kurt and Eric were deeply and irreversibly in love. It wasn't long before they were talking about marriage. Kurt was 22 now, married and settled down with Eric, a baby on the way, even.

Finn felt warm arms wrap around his waist and small kisses placed on his bare back. "Cute picture. Is that your brother? He's a cutie."

"Get your things and get the hell out of my house." Finn snarled. He had a strict rule—once the guy got out of bed, he was out. He'd given his Kurt of the night an amazing fuck, and then it was time for him to leave. Sleeping together was something he did with real Kurt...too intimate. Too sacred.

It didn't help that he called Kurt cute. And in this light, he didn't look nearly as much like Kurt as he did before. Jake gathered his belongings and left without a word and Finn collapsed onto his bed. He picked up his phone and dialed his voicemail to hear the message that had been saved there for 2 years now. This would end the ritual.

_Hey, Finn. I understand why you aren't coming, but it's so strange to look around at all these faces of people I love and yours not being among them. I love you, Finn. I always have and I always will. I love Eric too, though. And Eric loved me back and wasn't afraid to tell the world how he felt about me. I know this is hard for you. And if you ever tell anyone I said this, I'll deny it...but I think about what we could have had every day. Maybe one day, I'll regret—_

Finn would have given anything to know what the rest of the message would have said. He crawled under the covers and dialed again to replay the message, letting Kurt's voice send him into a fitful sleep.


End file.
